New Year's Resolutions are cliche, bogus, and usually defunct by March. Who really wants to set themselves up for almost certain failure? Not this girl.

Instead, I'm embarking on a personal project: documenting 2010 in photos. One photo taken everyday for one year. No rules for the photos- any subject matter will do. (thankfully, not all self portraits!) The final product may not be a work of staggering genius, but perhaps I'll sharpen my photography skills, and find some enjoyment doing something for me.

I've revamped my blog layout, as it's about to change drastically, and finally get some real use.
Here's to the new year, and the hopes that it will bring plenty of adventure, fun, success, and stability.

First photos to come.

Oh, how I've missed having live music that reminds me of everything meaningful that music can be. From enjoying a set live, to wanting to dust off my old violin- slowly bringing back the finger memory.

Tomorrow... I'm sure I'll play at least a little bit thanks to this amazing show.
This was also my first adventure in concert photo taking- I have plenty of room to grow, but enjoyed myself thoroughly (despite the fact that I still kinda feel crummy). I'm on the way to "well", and that's what matters.

And if you haven't heard St. Vincent- please let me know. I'll be happy to help. :)








Then, of course, Mister Andrew Bird.













Any other photos are on my Flickr.

I was inspired by a book my friend Katie had on her Amazon Wish List. Following the life and art of local Blacksmith, Philip Simmons. He changed the ornamentation of ironwork in this area. So to send along with her book and card- I went downtown to some spots featuring Mr. Simmons' fine work. It was fun, and slightly stressful as the sun was setting far too quickly.






(why yes- that is a gold egret and gold cross found within the iron gate- interesting)
I felt slightly creepy taking this photo, as it actually is a part of the back side of someone's every elaborate carport now. Weird.

It's hard to believe a year has past. So much change can happen in 365 days. I've been honored to witness the first year of life of a sweet and magical little boy, and watched his parents' lives change drastically and adapt. Fantastic growth and enduring love. I've witnessed the marriage of sweet friends, and their lives beginning anew. Watched in awe as a small but powerful lady battled her way through a dark valley she'd believed she'd defeated once before- and not for a moment did she waiver. Wished a dear friend all the best in her new adventure on the West Coast, as the scenery of our little group changes.

And at the same time, some things are constant from day to day, 365 days a year. There's an ache that some days is a loud, piercing scream, and other days a slow, searing burn. I'm realizing that it will kind of always be there, just under the surface. The choice lies in the daily decision to accept it and use it as a motivator, or let it slowly paralyze some of you with it's debilitating loneliness. I'm not perfect, and won't even begin to pretend I don't fall into the latter category.

Saturday was a little of both.
Initially, I felt mind-numbingly alone- several hours away from anyone who had this same hole in their heart. My family was traveling, but they were together. They could commiserate, laugh about shared memories, reminisce, or mourn. They were with someone who could understand. While I adore my Charleston family, I couldn't help but wish for someone, anyone who felt the same.
Wallowing never does me any good, so I opted for 'cheesy'. Cheese is something I do well. Ultimately, I am a cheesy person - if I stop and am completely honest with myself. So I bought a small cluster of helium balloons in Mike's signature cobalt blue color, and wrote to the one person who needed to hear my thoughts- my baby brother. It was therapeutic. And perhaps I was the person who truly needed to hear those thoughts. I reaffirmed some promises and proclamations, and released them above the river and the sailboats. They flew so freely, and even cleared a low-lying cloud. Watching them rise higher and higher, I remembered playing astronaut, laying in the grass and watching cloud shapes, fly balls that never seemed to land, running out to look up and see the shuttle after watching the initial take off (the benefit of living in Central Florida), and remembered looking up at the sky knowing that it was the same sun and moon he could see from the Iraqi desert. Didn't even know I had so many "sky" memories. It was just what I needed.

I ended my evening of September 12th finally getting that tattoo we'd long discussed. I've known for years I would get my violin f-holes tattooed on my inner left wrist. But after losing Mike I knew I wanted to incorporate him into the design somehow. I couldn't have been happier with the result.

Picking up the violin in the fourth grade was what truly cemented my love affair with music. Something I could connect with on the deepest levels. I played when I was happy, sad, lonely, confused, and yes, I even played those freaking etude exercises when I really didn't want to. So the f-holes are indicative of my love for music, and also my family. It was such a sacrifice for my parents to finally purchase a violin for me- even if it was a 'cheaper' one from the pawn shop. It was brand new and still smelled of moth balls, but to me, my Eleanor May (yes, I named my violin) was my best friend and couldn't be more perfect. We took the f-holes of my violin, and Jason resized them to fit my wrist appropriately. And, instead of just adding the blue in a shadowing pattern, he incorporated Mike's color into the very center... As he finished, I finally looked- it was absolutely perfect. The f-holes are from where the rich violin sound resonates. They're the 'window to the violin's soul' if you will. And what is peeking out of the center of the ones on my wrist? Mike. Cheesy, yes, but I see it as my personal reminder to dream big, live without regret, and go balls-out instead of sit on the sideline.

Saw Julie & Julia with my friend, Paige, yesterday afternoon.
Uh-oh, small tangent!
(By the way- when did they change the rules for matinee pricing?! Seriously- 3pm cut off time now? Are the theaters hurting for money that much that they will bump the time up by not even a whole movie length? Now, I fully realize I sound like a penny-pinching Grandpa right now, but honestly- it's a price bump or two or three dollars. And yes, I realize that's not a full gallon of gas, or even half a soda at the concession stand. But if I learned ANYTHING from my mom, you sneak your Reece's Pieces, SnoCaps, or M&Ms into the cinema in your purse. What I learned, contrastly, with my brother, however- Chocolate Milk doesn't hide very well in a coat. All that aside- at least I can save a buck by using my brand spankin' new student id.)

All in all, it was sweet. I love Amy Adams. I truly do. She can do no wrong, and I'll be darned she looked so adorable, even with no makeup and that ragged haircut. Her counterpart was adorable, and they made a believable couple. Just a happy pair trying to make it in Long Island City at the beginning of this decade, before all the high rise condos went in. I couldn't help but think of two of my all-time favorite people, now both Queens residents watching the film as I happily recognized so many blips in the scenery.

Ms. Merryl Streep's performance reminded me of my mom- whoa. Not exactly expecting that. (though- somehow, Mom's first question upon hearing I'd seen the movie was if I thought of her when watching Julia Child. Eerie. Perhaps she's heard this before from a friend.)

Nevertheless-- the movie inspired me. (and Paige too)
A project. Something with a deadline. A purpose. A challenge.
That would be fun. But what?
School is already kind of a challenge. I mean, embarking on something time consuming and life-changing. A definite goal (graduation) and a timeline... but perhaps something fun. Something creative and personally stretching. I've started slightly brainstorming- nothing too solid has come to mind yet, but I am definitely in the market for suggestion.

The whole prospect seemed interesting and such fun.
If nothing else- it at least gave me something to type into this dusty little blog, right?

The night before classes begin.
Can't sleep.

This is an unusual place to be in. My first college experience was vastly different- I already knew so many people, students and faculty alike. This time? I don't know a soul. Had to look around this afternoon to ensure I know which buildings are which, so I don't look like a lost freshman.

In all the preparation for the semester, I've considered myself as going back to school "alone". When in actuality, that couldn't be farther from the truth. And here in the early morning dark, I am hitting that realization.

My Michael is with me, as he is the one who opened this incredible door. I couldn't afford to take such a financial leap without his help. Even at this moment, I cannot breathe, much less say the words thank you aloud... stillness in absolute gratitude.
So tomorrow morning, I am headed off to school for the two of us. I'm going to finish my degree, and do my best to remember every minute I'm studying, sitting in a lecture, or riding my bike in the sweltering heat, that he has taken my hand and jumped off this crazy cliff with me. Somehow it always works out when you don't jump alone.

So here we go, little Mikey. Your first day of college.
I am going to make you so proud!

I feel like I haven't had anything exciting/worth posting about in my life. But I'm trying to use this little blog more often, if for nothing else, then to expand my creative thought process. (Because lord knows I'm not a prolific writer like my buddy, Alison.

• Went to see my beautiful cousin get married.

• Made My first Wedding Cake!!

• I've celebrated the first birthday of an adorable little dude. Photos forthcoming. And had my first successful outfit-sewing experience:

Max Costume for little Conor!
A Max costume! If nothing else, it makes me more excited about the movie this fall. Can't wait.

• Celebrated other birthdays with toasts. (no photos. But August is a popular birthday month. I am gift-buying broke!)

• Set up a back yard pool! It's spectacular. (photo is poor quality- but who cares)
  

That's about all that's exciting. Oh, and I start classes this Tuesday. A full-time student once more. Very odd. We'll see.
Now I'm off to bake my face off for Amanda's party tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

The century plant is like an aloe plant on steroids. It's enormous and awkward, but after about 30 years of growing, it blooms, performing an remarkable swan song of sorts. A huge bloom shoots up from the center of the plant, as tall as a row house, like something out of Dr. Seuss books.

There is one in bloom over on Coming Street, and I've been meaning to take a few photos for awhile now. Finally stopped by on Monday, and ever so glad I did.

So, online dating...

So, a few things have happened.
Got my hair cut:


Went to Savannah with Amanda and her visiting Mom and Aunt:


Ate ourselves silly at Paula Deen's Restaurant:




Oh, and I had my wisdom teeth immediately removed. No photographic evidence of this, however. (who wants pictures of themselves looking like a marshmallow and woozie?)

Some of you are excellent bloggers (I'm calling you out, Kendrick) so you've set the bar pretty high. I'll do what I can, but make no promises. :)

Time for a fresh start? Maybe. Time for something new? Definitely. Time for a new outlook? No doubt.

I am too young to be in a 'rut'. That's the material of a mid-life crisis. This? I have no earthly clue what THIS is, actually. It feels awful, I know that much. And I am so incredibly over it.

It's high time I figure my crap out. What do I want out of my life- sincerely? I do not dare to try to answer that question in a lame-o blog format. I don't know the answer, and am okay with that. But I'd like to find a general direction.

No. This isn't my 'Goonies' styled "[my] time [right] here" speech. It's merely my public (though no one even know my blog exists) proclamation that I'm ready to truly enjoy my life. I am far too interesting to feel so stagnant, blah, and worthless. And I'm too smart to let this selfpity party continue.

So here it is. Today, Monday, March 23rd is my official new season. I'm choosing to be a little selfish. I choose to focus on myself for a bit. Not to be narcissistic or vain- but to finally get things right.